I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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