1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
