i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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