Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
