It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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