That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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