I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
