Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
