Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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