So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
