just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
