ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
