He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
