you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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