haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize