Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
