My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
