Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
