I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
