My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
