My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I see more hoeing in ur future
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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