After last night, I could never be a politician.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My penis needs a shock collar
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
