i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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