Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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