R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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