he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
