if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
