i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
