Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
