Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
