That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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