i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
