I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
