it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
how does that bad decision feel?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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