weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
