If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
