If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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