I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
