can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
