I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm getting married
To pizza
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
