I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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