I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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