she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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