Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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