well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
