His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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