just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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