o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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