I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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