omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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