and you said cock pushups were impossible
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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