I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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