just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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