Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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