Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
