I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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