I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
