Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
