I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
