And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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