i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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