Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
