he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize