I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
