Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
