So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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