In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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