i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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