I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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