So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
