My Higher Power is John Stamos
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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