i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
