I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
